You are probably thinking that living with depression isn’t “normal”, but in 2017, the World Health Organization (WHO) estimated that more than 300 million people were living with depression. That is a lot of people, and many of them are living a normal life. If you are curious about how to live a normal life with depression, then I will share my best tips with you on how to do that.

But before we get into the tips, I want you to understand some nuances of depression.

The first is the perspective about nature vs nurture. Having bouts of depression in your life is probably something you inherited. After all, if your parents or grandparents ever experienced depression, then you are more likely going to experience depression at some point in your life. This is the “nature” concept of depression.

But here is where the “nurture” concept comes in. Just because you inherited (Thanks Mom and Dad!) the depression gene, doesn’t mean it has to debilitate you. The severity of the experience of depression can be minimized by exploring the following tips:

Sometimes talking about certain issues with your partner can be easy. Like, “when and where should we go on vacation?”or “what kind of ice cream should we get at the grocery?” Maybe even, negotiating whose family you will spend the holidays with could be easy. But the real problem happens when you don’t know how to talk about marriage problems without creating more conflict.

This can feel scary, especially if your (and/or your partner’s) communication skills haven’t been so great in the past, or you are newly married and haven’t had much experience with difficult conversations.

Or, one of the bigger reasons why it can be hard to talk about problems is if one or both of you grew up in a house that didn’t promote discussing any problems.

It would be good if there was an instruction manual on how to parent. Maybe even a child specific one that you bring home from the hospital, that gives you step by step instructions on what to do at each age. I know you get something similar from the pediatrican at every well check, but I mean super specific for your child.

I know, I am living in fantasy land. But the irony is that there is a myth of parenthood – the myth that there is such a thing as a perfect parent.

But it is just a myth. So while you are reading this article, remember, the truth is that there is only a “good enough” parent. So cut yourself some slack. You not only parenting a child, but you are also parenting a complex child, while you yourself are complex. But it doesn’t have to be so difficult.

So here are some suggestions on how to parent your child with ADHD when you have ADHD too.

Becoming a new parent can be exciting and wonderful. It can also be scary and overwhelming. The emotional rollercoaster that begins, for some during pregnancy, and others after the baby is born, can be confusing. So how do you know if what you are experiencing is something that you can weather on your own or if you need extra support? To answer this question, you have to know the difference between the baby blues and postpartum depression (PPD).

I wanted to share a story about one woman’s experience of how undiagnosed ADHD impacts new motherhood and contributed to her struggle with a perinatal mood and anxiety disorder.  

I truly appreciate her raw honesty and giving me permission to share. My hope is to raise awareness and understanding of how living with undiagnosed ADHD can impact the experience of becoming a new mother including putting her at risk for a perinatal mood and anxiety disorder.

I will not provide her name in order to protect her confidentiality.

Here is her story in her words:

“For as long as I can remember, I have had a somewhat abstract awareness of my surroundings.  On top of that, when I do ‘wake up’ and engage with the world around me, it can be a shock to my senses.  I am a classic introvert on top of that.  So, people have not always known how to respond to me. At best, it might be said that I appear quiet and dreamy.  At worst, unresponsive, distracted, unmotivated, careless, or rude.

This week is Maternal Mental Health Week.  Let’s talk about the Myths of Motherhood.  Here are a few:

Becoming a Mother is the happiest time in your life.

Mothers instinctively know what their babies want and need.

Mothers should sacrifice everything for their children.

Breastfeeding is easy.

If a mother chooses not to breastfeed, she is a terrible mother.

Every woman instantly bonds with her baby during pregnancy.

Experiencing a Perinatal Mood and Anxiety Disorder means you are a bad mother.

Well guess what, 1 in 5 mothers experience a Perinatal Mood and Anxiety Disorder.  If we buy into the last myth, then there are a shit ton of bad mothers out there, including myself.  Let’s rise up and stand together and fight these myths and the stigma.  Motherhood isn’t easy and was never meant to be.  I for one try to practice self compassion everyday because I know motherhood isn’t easy, but it is much easier when I accept things as they are instead of trying to live up to these myths.  What are some of the myths that affect you?

#RealMotherhood #NoShame

Today is my firstborn’s 16^th birthday.  I am reflecting on my story of motherhood. It is amazing how time flies, yet his first year of life felt like it dragged on forever.  I remember people telling me to stay in the moment because time will pass by so fast.  That felt so invalidating and only made me feel worse about wanting it to move more quickly.  And I was miserable, and desperately wanted to be happy.   I felt absolutely terrified, completely ill-equipped, and disconnected.  (more…)

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