For so many years, ADHD was thought to be something only young boys had. Bad behavior in the classroom, impulsivity, hyperactivity, or bad grades were thought to be the only signs. At one point it was actually called a behavior disorder. Behavior is more like a response to some of the symptoms, and it really is all about the brain. Generally, there are differences between boys and girls with ADHD. So understanding girls with ADHD can present differently is important. Once you understand the differences, you will be able to help your daughter if she has been diagnosed with ADHD, or if you are suspicious she might have it.

First, I want to acknowledge the struggle of being a single parent. It isn’t easy by any stretch of the imagination. But being a single parent with ADHD brings the struggle to a whole new level.

The idea that ADHD is a disorder isn’t really true. What is true is that a person with ADHD has a brain that works differently than is typical within their culture. So who is the authority on what is “typical” and what isn’t?

As someone diagnosed (later in life) with ADHD and a therapist who specializes in working with adults with ADHD, I am uniquely qualified to answer the question, what is it like having ADHD.

Most people think of ADHD as little boys who have behavior problems, or it comes from bad parenting or too much electronics, or even poor nutrition.

But it is really a neurodevelopmental difference that is about 75% genetic.

We all know that parenting is hard. If you don’t, then you don’t have children. Parenting with an ADHD spouse might be even harder.

But this article isn’t going to be about how parenting is hard because your spouse has ADHD.

It will be about helping you and your partner with ADHD learn how to parent together as a team, working with each other instead of against each other.

So here are 4 tips for parenting with an ADHD spouse:

Living and knowing how to focus with ADHD can be a daily struggle. Put social distancing, working from home, and staying inside much of the time in the mix, and you probably feel like most or all of your systems, strategies, and self-care practices have been ripped away.

You may feel like there’s no real certainty of when you will be able to reincorporate these necessities back in your life.

Well, as a therapist who is also living with ADHD, I feel your pain.

There are some tips that might make life easier as you move through this time of uncertainty.

I have never been one to do well working from home. Having nowhere to go, no real reason to get dressed, no consistent structure, or pending deadlines can send me down a rabbit hole of feeling depressed.

It would be good if there was an instruction manual on how to parent. Maybe even a child specific one that you bring home from the hospital, that gives you step by step instructions on what to do at each age. I know you get something similar from the pediatrican at every well check, but I mean super specific for your child.

I know, I am living in fantasy land. But the irony is that there is a myth of parenthood – the myth that there is such a thing as a perfect parent.

But it is just a myth. So while you are reading this article, remember, the truth is that there is only a “good enough” parent. So cut yourself some slack. You not only parenting a child, but you are also parenting a complex child, while you yourself are complex. But it doesn’t have to be so difficult.

So here are some suggestions on how to parent your child with ADHD when you have ADHD too.