Today is my firstborn’s 16th birthday. I am reflecting on my story of motherhood. It is amazing how time flies, yet his first year of life felt like it dragged on forever. I remember people telling me to stay in the moment because time will pass by so fast. That felt so invalidating and only made me feel worse about wanting it to move more quickly. And I was miserable, and desperately wanted to be happy. I felt absolutely terrified, completely ill-equipped, and disconnected.
No one told me I would be afraid of this beautiful little creature that came out of my body. That is really how I saw him. This thing that I couldn’t believe was mine. What was I supposed to do with him? How was I going to keep him alive? It felt like such an insurmountable task. Becoming a mother was the scariest and most monumental thing I have ever done.
In a lot of ways, my life really began on that day.
I was always so scared to go after what could make me happy. I relied on what was safe.
About a year after he was born I realized, that if I could give birth to life, and survive postpartum depression and anxiety, then I could do anything. And so, I began my journey to help other mothers who struggle with perinatal mood and anxiety disorders. Thank you, my dear sweet Worth. Your life gave me mine. Happy Birthday to my sweet little Angel Boy.
For more information on perinatal mood and anxiety disorders, go to Postpartum Support International
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Jacqueline V. Cohen is a licensed professional counselor and an ADHD-certified clinical specialist provider who works with women in sharing their story of motherhood. To learn more about her services, you can go to her website. You can also contact her by email.
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